and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
