It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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