So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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