hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
