Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
