I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
