Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
