I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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