You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
