Have you finally orgasmed yet?
420 ftw
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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