I faked an abortion last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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