new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
