i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
