Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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