By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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