You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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