So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
