Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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