Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
