I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
