did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
