i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
