What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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