Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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