areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
