I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
