I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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