Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
