my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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