Got a toothbrush?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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