I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
