for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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