plz talk dirty to me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Randomize
