dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
