I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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