If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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