So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
