Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
