you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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