just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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