just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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