Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
