she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
