Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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