Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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