so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
