the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
