fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am naked and annoyed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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