Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
