my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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