Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
