I'm going to jail i love you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
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