i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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