Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
