Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
