lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
