So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
