I just saw a hot homeless man
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
