Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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