I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
