Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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