at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
