Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
