I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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