I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
