I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
