WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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