I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
