11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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